I of the beholder!

Hmmmmn?  

Apparently not everyone thinks a drunken, unshaven Billy Bob Thorton is all that sexy.  Go figure.

We're going to continue to answer your questions.  Well you know - except for the people who arrive here searching for hot ladies brest.  Or big foot ladies.  I don't even want to know!  

But the poor folks who do an honest search for something important to them and suddenly find themselves caught in perpetual H.O.P.E.  and don't know what hit them  ~ ~ ~ I figure we can help out a little bit!  

Many folks have searched variations of "walk like a camel" and ended up here.  I don't know if folks are lookin to download the song, lookin for the lyrics, or - help us all - trying to find out what the song means.

"You make me wanna walk like a Camel" was recorded by a fun group named Southern Culture On The Skids.  Or SCOTS if you prefer.  

If you want to listen to the song you can CLICK JANGO HERE.  I was going to imbed the youtube video but to be perfectly honest - SCOTS is a rather strange looking/acting group and I did not want to turn y'all off of them before you had a chance to hear their musical genius.  Their absolute best song in my opinion is Voodoo Cadilac.  Which I think you can HEAR HERE.  

Without further ado - here are the lyrics:

Baby, Would you eat that there snack cracker
In your special outfit for me, please?
owwwWEEEEE!!!!!

Yo ye pharoahs, let us walk
Through this barren desert, in search of truth
And some pointy boots, and maybe a few snack crackers.
OWWWW WEEE baby, you make me wanna walk like a camel.
OWWWW WEEE, walk!

Who's in charge here, where's my Captain's wafers?
Don't go around hungry now, the way you eat that oatmeal pie,
Makes me just wanna die, baby, OWWWW
You make me wanna walk like a camel.
OWWWW WEEE, walk!

Say, you don't think there's any way I could get that quarter
From underneath your pointy boot, do ya?
All I want is just one more oatmeal pie.
OWWWW WEEE, Little Debbie, Little Debbie
I'm a comin on home, baby, 'cause you make me wanna walk
Like a camel, OWWWW WEEE

Trust me - it makes more sense when put to music.  

Wellllllll, not really.  But it's a fun song to listen to.  

As for what it means?  I don't know.  One gentleman put forth the opinion that walking like a camel is slang for a guy walking funny because he is responding in a physically uncomfortably manner to being attracted to someone.  

Yes, a little oblique - but if you think I'm going to use the right words to explain this you are crazier than the folks looking for big foot ladies.  And either way I think the guy who said this is wrong because I've been looking and I can't find any other reference to that.  I guess I could write to the band and ask them.  We'll see.

So you have the lyrics, we don't know the meaning, and this ain't itunes.  Hope we were of some help!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Apparently Miss Jeannie found her way home; I recieved an email from her this afternoon and I'm pretty sure she isn't a hot-spottin kinda gal so I assume she was at her house!  

And I found out which Santa she was visiting. . .

I guess she had a good time. . . 

and wasn't as cold as she thought she would be. . . . 

and is considering joining the elf training program. . . 

. . . 

. . . .

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Where's Miss Jeannie????

I emailed Jeannie  yesterday to discuss a scout meeting we had to go to and recieved this breezy reply:

I will not be at the leaders' meeting.  I will be at the North Pole enjoying hot chocolate and cookies with Santa Clause.

Ho Ho Ho!!!

Well isn't that special?

Which Santa?  

This one. . . . . . 

 who wouldn't even give poor Ralphie a B.B. Gun?

Or this one,. . . . . . .

 who looks like he could give a girl everything she's wanting - and more?

Jeannie is a complex person.  

She's all wholesome and sweet most of the time. 

 But as much as she enjoys mini-marshmallows in her cocoa. . . . 

she enjoys this more!

So we will have to see.   

Meanwhile if you see Miss Jeannie out there please tell her to come home!

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Get the biggest aluminum tree you can find, Charlie Brown, maybe painted pink.

Remember the other day when we addressed the second most common search term that brought people here? Well today we are going to tackle the very most common search. Most common depending on how you count, and what time period you are looking at.

 

 

During the week leading up to the 3-day walk the most common search was from people trying to find a map of the route. So I feel sort of bad that folks were directed to the post that had this map.

 

 

I had so many people hitting that picture that I actually looked up what exactly it was a map of. It is a map of the New Alresford town ship just outside of Winchester England. Winchester? See? I told you everything is connected! Not only is this township near Winchester - they are most famous for their Duck Races.

 

Okay - newcomers to this blog might wonder why I posted the map of an obscure town in England when I was discussing a route in Phoenix, Arizona, USA. Loyal readers know the answer; it was pink!

 

Which leads us in an almost logical fashion to the actual question we are addressing today. But first a word about our statistical methods here at Team H.O.P.E.

 

We glance at the Google report and see what looks to be the most common question. Every now and then we actually look closer and count the entries (you can see our lips move while we count). But that whole counting thing is overrated. Partly because there are so many ways to ask the same question. The question today is "where can I find inappropriately colored Christmas decorations?"

 

No, nobody actually phrased it exactly like that. Many people came searching for black ornaments. Or pink trees. Or pink and brown ornaments. Or black and pink ornaments. Or pink wreaths. You get the idea.

 

As we have already established here - black Christmas tree ornaments are wrong. It’s like raisins in Cole Slaw.   Or catsup on eggs!  We don't care how 'elegant' or 'stylish' or 'sophisticated' it might be. (the black ornaments – obviously there is nothing sophisticated about catsup, anywhere)

 

Our opinion regarding pink ornaments? Well that one is a little tricky because we sold a ton of pink Christmas tree ornaments at our fundraisers. But you have to understand, they were PINK RIBBON ornaments. And for the last umpteen months we have been slaves to the PINK RIBBON.

 

But now that that walk is over and we are trying to figure out where to walk to next, we can admit that pink is not exactly a traditional Christmas color.

 

For those of you as yet unconvinced that black Christmas tree ornaments are wrong I have found a loophole for you! If you were to make the ornaments yourself; that would be a traditional Christmassy thing to do and the color choice would be irrelevant. And for those of you with teenagers this would be a fun way to spend time with them - without the eye rolling and the scorn that teens feel the need to exhibit when something might possibly be less than cool.

 

If you are bound and determined to have sophisticated storebought black ornaments (or hot pink, or lime green) then Hobby Lobby on Greenfield road and the Superstition Freeway is probably going to be your best bet here in town.

 

If you are visiting here from some other state looking for the best place to buy black ornaments I’m afraid we can’t help you.  But we do have some great recipes and some useful product reviews if you want to hang around awhile.

 

While we are talking about Christmas tree ornaments ~ ~ ~  we've also had people arrive at Team H.O.P.E. looking for Harley Davidson Christmas Ornaments. I know for a fact that Chester's Harley Davidson on Country Club has the official HD 2008 ornament and many other nice gifts and decorations.

 

You are wondering why we have a problem with black (or pink, or lime green) ornaments and don't seem to have a problem with Harley Davidson ornaments?

 

Well first of all - we are not a huge fan of motorcycle ornaments - this Hemi V8 ornament is so much cuter!

 

 

The thing with the Harley Davidson or Hemi ornament is that it is a specialty ornament rather than a motif or theme.  

How would we feel about a themed Harley tree?  Well now. . . .  seeing as how Black and Orange are the official Harley colors. . . what does that suggest to you?

 

 

If you do want a black Christmas tree with orange lights, 

or if you would prefer this tree:

 

 

or if you would like a pink tree  (Or lemon-lime.  Or purple.  Or upside down.  Etc.) we might  suggest Treetopia.

 

(But please remember – we are NOT the better business bureau.  We are a group of moms walking around having fun and trying to make a small difference in the world.  We have never ordered a product from Treetopia and make no claims regarding their delivery schedule or anything else about them)

 

And lastly; (Yeah that’s what I usually say about half-way through to keep you reading) we have to share something with y’all.  As you are looking for something sleek and stylish and cutting edge for your Christmas décor you might keep in mind that what is sleek and stylish today will be kitschy and campy tomorrow. 

 

Remember the pink aluminumun tree that Lucy wanted?  Well it’s not only sought after by the retro campy melmac people; but apparently many children of the late 60’s and early 70’s want the tree because it represents tradition and warmth and childhood memories.  That, friends and neighbors, is what we call irony.

 

We had another Christmas tree to share but this is already quite long enough and we want to give the other tree the time and verbiage it deserves!

 

So until then, have a holly jolly day!

Oh, and before y'all write to me to gently and kindly inform me that I misspelled that particular metal alloy - it's not exactly spelled wrong, I just spelled it the way I pronounce it!  

 

 

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The Explanation

I hope y'all had a happy thanksgiving!  

The other day we had a few pictures and challenged y'all to figure out the connection here.  (and always remember - everything is connected!)

The fist picture was of the Quaker Oatmeal guy.  The second picture was of a pink circular saw.  The third picture was of a Shaker Bonnet Shaper. And lastly a little thanksgiving clip art featuring a Native American and two pilgrims.  

So here's the story:

The other day I was teaching y'all how to properly use an apostrophe.  At least that's the way I remember it.  

I mentioned pluralizing skills, which reminded me of something else I have been meaning to discuss here that is very pertinent to the point of this blog.  

. . .

. . .

The point of this blog being to share the fundraising and training antics of a group of women; remember?

So while doing a little background research for this future column I found a picture of a pink circular saw.  Because we tend to have an all pink, all the time slant here I had to use the picture!  

When I finished the apostrophe lesson I continued with the circular saw resarch.  And discovered something fascinating:

The first circular saw used in a saw mill was invented in 1813 (or 1810 depending on which article you’re reading) in the United States by Tabitha Babbitt.  Ms. Babbitt also invented an early cut-nail, an improved spinning wheel head, and a new style of false teeth.  Ms. Babbitt did not patent these inventions because apparently that would go against her Shaker faith. 

Since we were so close to thanksgiving I thought this would be a fun thing to mention; even though I recognized that Shakers aren't exactly Quakers.  Well, come to find out - Quakers aren't the same as Puritans.  And the Pilgrims were puritanical - but weren't exactly Puritans.

Puritans – determined Calvinist reformers working to "purify" Church of England so as to be consistent with Calvinist principles, began during the reign of Henry VIII (1509-1547)

 

Pilgrims – Separatists who fled to Holland (1607/8) and sailed on Mayflower in 1620

 

Quakers – independent reformers practicing austere Protestantism; their missionaries and followers were repressed by the Puritans in the Bay Colony

Shakers - Originally referred to as Shaking Quakers; an offshoot of Quakerism founded by Mother Ann Lee in 1741.

Another big difference here is that the Shakers were celibate.  Which apparently leads to excellent basket and chair making skills - - - but is seemingly bad for sustainability.  As Anita Bryant would say - Shakers can't reproduce so they must recruit!  Can you imagine the recruitment posters?  But I'm about to wander off topic again.

So Ms. Babbitt and her circular saw has absolutely nothing to do with thanksgiving.  Nor did the Quaker Oat Dude.  But since I discovered that many many people have the same confusion I did, it seemed nice to share with y'all.  

In conclusion: The point is that my ladies and I are very thankful for the example set by countless other women throughout history (many of whom were shakers, quakers, pilgrims, and puritans)  that women can do anything!  

As for Miss Oakley; she was a Quaker. As was Richard Milhouse Nixon - but I think we should quit while we're ahead!

Happy Filled With Graditude Day!

Explanation to Follow

Bonus points to anyone

 who has an idea

of what we were thinking

when we posted these pics!

ἡ ἀπόστροφος

All righty then.  I will try to keep this short and on-topic.  But given that everything is connected (as I may have mentioned before!) it is sometimes difficult to sharply define the so-called topic.

 

In looking at our analytics, I see that many people have come here in search of something that we do not have – and yet it would make sense for Google and/or Yahoo to point them this way.  So I feel a certain obligation to help folks with what they are seeking here. 

 

We are naturally going to start with our second most common request.  We’ll answer the number one request in a few days.  Maybe.

 

Apparently, many people have come to Perpetual H.O.P.E. seeking grammar advice.  

Okay – stop with the hooting and the jeering and pay attention.  People are not seeking general grammar advice; they specifically want to know what the plural of ‘Christmas’ is.  I suspect Google sends them here because one of our posts was titled, What’s the Plural of Christmas?  

 

The common rule regarding plurals is so easy that it’s amazing so many of us get it wrong; 

you add an S to the end of the word.

 

Unless the word ends in an S or a Z.  Or a CH or an SH.  Or a X.

Then you add an ES. 

Unless the word is ‘ox’ in which case you add an EN.  

Other than that just add an S. 

Unless the word ends with an O.  

In which case you add an ES. As in Dan Quayle's least favorite tuber.

Unless it is one of the words like ‘auto’ or ‘memo’ that doesn’t need the E.  

 

Memo is short for memorandum, which is the singular form of the word memoranda.  

Which is similar to the word Data.  

Data is one of those ‘special’ words that have been abused to the point of grammar people almost giving up on it.  In fact, some style guides suggest that using the correct singular of Data sounds affected.  Or dare we say it, elite.  Therefore, if you are in a job interview your best bet is to not use the word at all.  If you must – here is a simple guide that will fit on a sticky note:

 

datum is, data are, 

this datum, these data

 

However, since nobody came to Perpetual H.O.P.E. seeking datum, we must return to Christmas.  

We’ve established that words that end in S get an ES to make them plural.

 

Unless it is a word like Cactus.  Which becomes Cacti.  I used to live in Vegas – the home of the Flying Elvi.  And my first editor used to talk about a radio preacher in Del Rio Texas that would offer his listeners glow in the dark Jesi.  So a person could be forgiven for wanting to pluralize Christmas into Christmi.  Forgiven, yet still mistaken.

 

Yes, two whole pages just to tell you unequivocally that:

 

The Plural of Christmas is Christmases! 

 

Yeah, it looks wrong.  But what would you suggest, just throwing an apostrophe at it? 

 

Many of us are okay on plurals but bad with apostrophes.  In fact we are so bad with apostrophes that it interferes with our otherwise decent pluralizing skills. 

 

Which reminds me of something else we need to talk about.  But I don’t want this post to get long and convoluted so just a little visual reminder for me and a hint for you:

 

Okay, where were we?  

Wear we’re wii?  

Ware whirr wee?  

Oh yeah, discussing how simple English grammar is!  I must confess that I made a heretofore-uncorrected grammar error in a previous post.  We were discussing Isla ñ Rum and I used the phrase:  

 

a friend of my husbands'

 

Well apparently, this implies I have more than one husband.  

When the error was pointed out to me, I decided I would rather have people think I was a bigamist than completely ignorant of basic grammar.  

Actually, I looked up the proper use of apostrophes and became quite boggled down by the subject.

 

Here is one example I found:

 

  

Those things over there are my husband's. 

(Those things over there belong to my husband.)

 Those things over there are my husbands. 

(I'm married to those men over there.)

 

So apparently I am not the only one with this particular difficulty.

 

Even after visiting The Humble Apostrophe I still had doubts as to how to refer to the singular (yet married)  friend of my one and only husband.  This really shouldn’t be so difficult but I’m not the only one struggling here. 

 

Many people use an apostrophe s when they simply want to make a noun plural.  This is referred to as a grocer's apostrophe – named after the common sight of Apple’s 1.49 a pound. 

 

There are entire websites devoted to mocking people who get this and other grammar ‘basics’ wrong.   Everybody needs a hobby I guess.  There is even an Apostrophe Preservation Society, or something like that.  Two of its members were recently arrested for defacing a sign at the Grand Canyon.

 

Its members? 

 

Yes, Its members.  The apostrophe is used to denote possession, except in this example.  According to something I found on the Internet:

 

Its is one of the few words that indicates possession without an apostrophe. For example, “The dog is eating its bone”. This may seem confusing, but it follows the same pattern as other possessive pronouns: his, hers, its, yours, ours, theirs.

 

I found one site that said the only time you use an apostrophe is to denote a missing letter.  Then he went on to explain that if you look at Chaucer’s English and even older German that there is an es missing from possessive words.  Which would almost work for me except when we start talking about plural possessives. 

 

When, among other things I learned:

 

The final tricky situation here is whether possessive nouns that end in s get an apostrophe only, or the apostrophe-s. Unless they're Moses or Jesus, or some other Biblical entity, they get an apostrophe-s. 

 

Matthew 15:30 (K J V)— And great multitudes came unto Him, having with them those that were lame, blind, dumb, maimed, and many others, and cast them down at Jesus' feet; and He healed them.

 

An example of another word that frequently vexes me:

princess = princess' tiara

Okay.  What if her brothers were cross dressers?  Would that be The Princes’s Tiaras.  Or the Princess Tiaras? 

 

Then there are my brothers-in-law and their wives.  That would be my brothers-in-law’s wives.  And since they are girly-girls I could even talk about my brothers-in-law’s wives’ tiaras. 

 

Note – I only have one brother-in-law and I would bet a hundred bucks his wife does not wear a tiara. 

 

So I tried.  I sincerely tried to understand enough that I could explain it simply.  I give up.  I’m just going to sticky note the following examples to my monitor and hope all my future sentences fit these formulae!

 

 

Ø      My husband’s friend’s brothers. 

(the brothers of the friend of my husband)

 

Ø      My husband’s friends’ brothers. 

(the brothers of several of the friends of my husband)

 

Ø      My husbands’ friend’s brothers.

(the brothers of a friend of several of my husbands)

 

Ø      My husbands’ friends’ brothers. 

 (the brothers of several of the friends of several of my husbands)

 

(And yes, I did just turn sticky note into a verb.  You might even say I verbified it!  And it felt good!)  But why all these possessive apostrophes when we were discussing the plural of Christmas?  Because people tend to throw apostrophes at words they are unsure of.  And it’s not just me. 

 

There is a new movie being released now called Four Christmases.  Fine.  When you first show a movie you must have a special opening night presentation called a premier.  The premier technically belongs to the movie.  So there have been recent news stories about The Four Christmases’ Premier.  Which is fine if this info is just copied directly from the PR folks.  But some folks rearrange the sentence to read  The Four Christmases’ Premier.  

What adds to the difficulty here is that the apostrophe, the single quotation mark, and the single prime all share one key on the typewriter. Remember when we used to underline proper titles?  Well, with the common practice of underlining hyperlinks that is no longer the convention and  we are all free to do what we want with titles – including putting them in single quotes.  But Word and WordPerfect and other word processors will automatically change the symbol to the one they think you want.  So some mis-punctuation is actually the result of pushy computer programs.   Yep, I think from now on I will claim that all my errors are the result of auto-correct and auto-format and smart-quote.

 

Oh, and most apostrophe fiends think it’s wrong to use an apostrophe for initials such as Straight A’s or a Collection of CD’s or even numbers as in That 70’s Show.   I’m thinking they should just take a deep breath and save their scorn for people who mix up their, there and they’re.  

 

In any case, Christmas’s coming so I hope all your Christmases are bright.  I may even wish some of our overseas friends a merry Christmass.

 PS - I have no desire to point out other people's errors.  But I did find it funny that when I was looking up the Flying Elvi to include a link I noticed they had a button on their page for the Flying Santa's.  If we weren't in a Christmas mode and we weren't discussing the use of apostrophes when going from plural to possesive I would never mention this - but it made me laugh today! 

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