A few of our favorite things. . . .

Isn't that pretty? We would be so thrilled if the Waterford Crystal people donated a few of those for our 'Christmas in July" event. (Details coming soon - I promise!)


But y'know what? Even if they just donated a couple empty vases we would still be grateful!

Seriously, we would be grateful. Partly because we are genuinely appreciative of everyone who is helping us with our various events. We are well aware that companies have people bombarding them with requests day and night and that they don't have to give to anyone if they don't want to, let alone us. But mainly we would be grateful because an empty crystal vase is still a gorgeous vase.

We received a donation to use as part of our silent auctions just the other day for which we are thankful.

The wonderful and kind and generous and all-American people at Wrangler Clothing sent us some of their Western Wear!


I am embarrassed to admit that the response of one of our team members was less grateful than others. Her first question was, "Did they come with a cowboy inside of them?"


I won't tell you which of our team members it was - except to say that she was an A&M Aggie in another life, so I guess her question was valid.

Can you imagine if Wrangler had included a cowboy? First there would been the fighting (Dare I say Wrangling?) over which one of us had to take care of him until the auction.


Then I'm sure the husbands would have started to complain. It's better this way. We are grateful and we will not be greedy and want more! Although. . . . . .

If y'all want to see another sexy picture of a cowboy in Wrangler Clothing you should click here! Not only is there a great picture but there is also a whole page of info about the Wrangler "Are you tough enough to wear pink?" campaign.


I have to tell you - when a company is involved in these million dollar donation programs and will still take the time and effort to help out a little group like ours I just get goosebumps. I've always known that people on the street are usually kind and compassionate but I had never realized how many people in corporate positions genuinely want to help, even when it doesn't involve national press or meeting important people or anything at all other than pure niceness!

Thank you Miss Eve!

And thank you, our loyal readers, for all your support and encouragement!



Y'all come back now, y'hear!

Excessive Heat Watch

Didja ever wonder why we have the Chandler weather widget right there between our list of wonderful people who support us and our list of upcoming events? Did you even notice the weather gadget?



It's because we live in the dessert and the Team H.O.P.E. ladies have to practice walking so that when November 14th rolls around they can walk the 60 Miles in 3 Days without keeling over. Which means they are walking in rather warm weather, even when they are walking at four o clock in the morning - which Miss Jeannie and Miss Wendy are prone to do. (Actually Miss Wendy runs. In fact when she signed up for the 3-day walk she asked if she would be allowed to run it instead. Yo Wendy, it's called a walk for a reason! I shouldn't tease her so much; after all when you have five children you just have so much extra energy!) More about Wendy later, right now we are discussing the weather.



The thought behind the weather widget is that when you are reading about our adventure you would glance over at the widget, note that it is 105 degrees, and think, "Oh my gosh - those brave and noble (and classy and charming and funny and kindhearted and talented and . . ) women are out walking miles in this weather - I must donate!"



Yes, theoretically they could do indoor laps at the air-conditioned mall. And if there is one thing our valley has - it's malls! Ever walk in a mall? The senior citizens walk in the malls so you have to maneuver around slower traffic. (Not me personally. Last week I was passed by an 80 year old in a walker who kept muttering, "move it along sister, I don't have enough time left to wait for you!") (Okay, that was a lie. But many of the senior citizens do walk at a brisker pace than I) (Besides, by making a joke about the lady with the walker I now have a reasonable excuse to show you this:

Aint it cool?



The other drawback to walking in the mall (See, I alway find my way back to the topic) is the smell of cinnamon buns. It's hard to stay focused when you smell cinnamon and fresh brewed coffee.



Plus there is all that pretty stuff in the windows. And much of the stuff is pink so you have to slow down to see if it's just plain pink or if it's pink ribbon pink!



So our ladies walk the street. In the heat. And not just any heat, but "Excessive Heat Watch" heat. Here is what the weather service has to say today:

An excessive heat watch remains in effect from Sunday morning through Sunday evening and from Monday morning through Monday evening.Unusually warm weather is expected across the deserts of south-central Arizona this weekend. High temperatures will generally range from 108 to 112 degrees Sunday and Monday. Somewhat cooler temperatures are expected during the middle of next week as the high pressure system weakens slightly.It would be wise to complete as much outdoor activity as possible in the early morning when the sun and heat are less intense.

During periods of excessive heat... individuals can suffer heat-related illness when the body can no longer cool itself. If you plan to be outside for an extended period of time in the afternoon or early evening... stay in the shade as much as possible and drink abundant amounts of water. Wear light-colored and loose-fitting clothing. If you wear a wide-brimmed hat... your head and body will be much cooler.

Stop outdoor activities... drink lots of water or other non-alcoholic beverages... and if possible... spend more time in air-conditioned or well-ventilated places.

So if you're reading this in cool comfortable air-conditioned splendor please spare a thought (and a dollar) for our Hot Ladies.



Thank you!

This just in. . . . . .

Is this totally cool or what? Fire fighters and cops wearing pink! Not only do they look great but they are on an impressive journey. They are taking their fire truck and their pink trailer with the tall ribbon statue on the road. You can read all about it on the blog of Dave Graybill.

http://www.pinkribbontour.com/

PinkRibbonNews

I cannot wait to see this rig in person! They have already been to Las Cruces, New Mexico. Hope they got lots of green chile while they were there. New Mexico grows the best chiles in the world. But I digress. Mr. Graybill will be leavin town on August 24th from the Desert Ridge shopping plaza and will be going down Tatum blvd towards Tucson. (I don't think Tatum will take them all the way to Tucson - maybe the Team H.O.P.E. Ladies should buy them some maps. Or maybe they would let me come along to navigate!)

You would think having the giant ribbon, the fire truck and gear, and the cool t-shirts would be enough. Apparently Mr. Graybill is more ambitious than that. His outfit is also hosting a comedy show on June 21 at the Tempe Center for the Arts.

(This here is me refraining from having architectural opinions)



You can purchase tickets HERE.

And here is the poster:

Now Miss Jeannie and I have to figure out something Team H.O.P.E. can do that's even bigger than a cross country fire truck trip. We are open to ideas! Have a great day!

Arizona Instittute for Breast Health

As I may have mentioned before – Susan G. Komen is the big name, but not the only name in Breast Cancer. As the Team H.O.P.E. ladies go about the business of raising money and awareness we naturally meet many people whose lives have been touched by breast cancer.

Miss Jeannie spoke with a woman the other day who was very supportive of us and our efforts and who volunteers her time and energy to AIBH. I had never heard of them so I looked them up. Here is part of their mission:

The Arizona Institute for Breast Health, a local non-profit organization, offers a woman who has been diagnosed with breast cancer a second opinion, completely free of charge. The volunteer team of physicians and medical professionals are breast health experts whose specialties include breast radiology, breast surgery, medical oncology, radiation oncology, reconstructive surgery, and breast pathology. This team evaluates the best medical and surgical options for the preservation of a woman's life, body and emotional well-being, as well as the continued quality of her life. In a caring, expedient and objective manner, the team will provide a comprehensive evaluation and recommendations for treatment.

How cool is that? Imagine getting the diagnosis. You want to waste no time in getting treatment because this is one of those things where time is of the essence. (The essence of life, to be blunt. Breast cancer – for all the awareness sand fundraising and research still kills people every day!) So you want to begin treatment ASAP but you also want to make very sure this is in fact what you have before you start taking the poison. I’m sorry, I mean the medicine. (The women I’ve met who have been through this know it is a bit of both.) Imagine being able to get that second opinion without having to get pre-approval from your HMO (if in fact you are lucky enough to have an HMO) or waiting months for another appointment.

The AIBH has many fund raisers. Some of them involve motorcycle rides and some involve fashion. There is naturally a golf tournament. (I think there is some sort of state law in Arizona that anyone raising money must have a golf tournament. Which reminds me – in a few days we will post information on the Team H.O.P.E. ~Simply the Breast~ golf tournament!)

The one that I wished we had thought of (and had the resources to pull off) was called “The Pink Light District” where one could buy a pink light bulb. Not to take home but to be used to light up a bridge in Scottsdale. I don’t get to Scottsdale real often so I missed it last year but I guess they had the bridge lit pink for the entire month of October!

Naturally here at Team H.O.P.E. we believe that if someone wants to donate money for Breast Cancer they should click on one of the donate buttons just to the right and up a little bit. ♂ But if you want more variety in your donating day I think you could definitely do worse than AIBH.

Have a healthy, happy, pink glowing day!

Sharpest Knife in the Drawer

Y’all remember how long it took me to do the Sharpie Pink Ribbon Product Review because I had to edit out this long diatribe about Zero Tolerance policies in our public schools? Well for today’s Pink Ribbon Product Review I had to rein in the comments about airport security. But from point A to point B one does have to go through security. . . . . .

I took a leather work class a few years back. Loved it! The instructor, Jim, had a ceramic blade for his swivel cutter. We were cutting thick cow hide and watching that ceramic blade glide through the leather like butter was amazing. Every time since when I have stood in line at a metal detector I have had a vision of that ceramic blade. I was never committed enough at leatherwork to justify the additional cost of a ceramic blade but I’ve nonetheless coveted it.

Then I discovered that there are ceramic kitchen knives! I am a committed enough cook to warrant high quality cutlery!

When I showed Miss Jeannie my new Kyocera knife she said the brand name seemed familiar. I pondered it a moment and realized it sounded a lot like the name on my Cell Phone. So I checked later and sure enough, both are spelled the same and both have the same odd little symbol:

So I suspect they are the same company. They are also the company that makes ceramic components for hip and knee replacements. I don’t think they have a special Pink Ribbon hip replacement so today we will just talk about their Pink-handled Santoku knife.

I wasn’t real thrilled with the company’s picture since the knife looks kinda plasticky in this pic so I took some of my own photos. Which I can’t put up because I can’t find my card reader, and I no longer have the little cord that connects my camera to the USB. My husband bought me the card reader in part because it would be impossible to lose!

Trust me, in person this knife is much prettier. The pink is just a shade softer than the pink sharpie cap and the blade has an almost pearl-like depth to it. It is a light weight knife but does not feel cheap or flimsy in the hand. It fits nicely, being large enough to do some serious chopping but not so large as be ungainly.

This knife can slice! You can slice paper thin tomato slices. (Excuse me – why would anyone want paper thin tomato slices?) Colby cheese does not stick to the blade. Unlike my stainless knifes it actually minces cilantro and doesn’t just bruise it. I love this knife!

I guess I should be fair and balanced and say something less than complimentary. Okay, when I’m using the knife I feel like one of those TV chefs and I just know one day I’m going to get carried away and slice off the tips of my knuckles. (I try to keep my fingers turned under like they say you should to keep from slicing off your finger tips) I wonder if Kyocera makes knuckle replacements?

So we’ve established that the knife is way cool. We want it. But we have to ask ourselves – is the Pink Ribbon meaningful or just a gimmick?

Here is the quote from the company website:

This pink-handled Santoku knife is feather-light and stays super-sharp. Plus, Kyocera advanced ceramics will donate $5.00 for the sale of each pink knife sold, with a guaranteed minimum donation of $10,000 to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. So far, Kyocera advanced ceramics has donated over $89,000. Makes a wonderful gift. Acetate box. Made in Japan.

Did you get that? Even if they hadn’t sold a single knife and ended up with a warehouse full of sharp pink ceramic they would still have donated ten grand to the cause. You can buy a lot of test tubes and Petri dishes for ten thousand dollars. And, what’s even better, they didn’t cap it off like some companies. (I won’t mention Cartier by name ~ on the off chance that I get the opportunity to review their $3,900 watch) So if every person reading this blog bought one of these knives. . . okay – bad example – the point is that the more knives they sell the more they donate. Which is something we sort of assume when buying products tied to a charity but isn’t always the case.

I don’t really have anything more to say about the knife and I’m impatient to get back to my slicing and dicing so. . . . .

Have a wonderful day!

Cool clear water, water. . .

See? If we had music on this blog you'd be listening to The Sons of The Pioneers right now. Just use your imagination and maybe hum along.

So last night some of the Team H.O.P.E. ladies and I went to Chase Field (local ball field. Used to be called Bank One Ballpark and everyone called it Bob) to accept donations for the cause. We had bottles of clear cool water as a thank you for folks that donated. And mercy, did they donate! Folks are just basically good and kind. What is always difficult is that at any sort of BC event you run into people who have lost a loved one to Breast Cancer and sometimes when they are sharing their stories it's difficult not to cry. I tell you, I'm so incredibly grateful to still have my grandma and my mom and my moms sisters.

So we received just over $300.00 last night in donations and got to chat with lots of nice people. Especially the nice Phoenix Police Officers. And a very sweet and understanding gentleman from Chase Field. (Who is hopefully not reading Thursday's post)

Apparently someone called the police to complain about our presence. We were set up in such a way that we were not blocking traffic, we were at a corner that had several ticket re-sellers (is 'scalpers' a derogatory term? Should have asked one of them last night - they were nice guys and donated to the cause) but no food or drink vendors. We thought we were okay but apparently one of the regular water vendors complained.

So the very polite and very kind Phoenix Police officers came over to our table and asked us several questions. The words 'permit' and 'permission' were used quite a bit. I guess if you are on actual Chase Property you need permission from Chase. Which is a concept I agree with - I am a believer in Private Property rights. But I hadn't realized we were on Chase property, I thought we were on Public Property, which it turns out would have still been breaking a rule - just a different one. (Notice how nicely I'm refraining here from making snide comments about the whole concept of publicly purchased private property!)

So the police officers rather than running us out of town on the light rail actually started calling people in the different departments of the City and then at Chase to see if we could stay. The final verdict was we could stay that evening but next time we need to get proper permission. Which we will. Thank you Phoenix Police and thank you Chase Field!

Now - because this was a Team H.O.P.E. thing you know there was a certain amount of tackiness involved. The theme Jeannie came up with for our not selling but accepting donations and giving away water?

Yeah, it would be easier to type water sale but that wouldn't be prudent at this juncture! Anyway - the name? Jugs for Jugs! And yes, we had three sizes of water A, B, and C.

Now folks are walking past our table on the way to the game. We had a bright pink sign (I should have brought my camera!) that said what we were doing but not all folks are going to stop and read the sign. So a certain amount of carnival style barking is required.

"Hello, we're accepting donations for the three day walk for breast cancer. We have cold water as a thank you for any donations"

Dosen't look too long in print but it is a mouthful when you are trying to reach people walking by. So sometimes our delivery got a bit mangled. Especially when Kristine called out to someone,

"Want breast water?"

Breast water? I'm thinking we are going to be harassing her for a very long time for that one. Not that Jeannie will escape teasing.

At one point when the police officers were first speaking with us Jeannie offered them each a bottle of water if they didn't make us move. Kristine and Denise quickly esplained to her that that would be bribery (granted the very slightest form of bribery. I believe that most cops can not be bought - and I'm thinking that cops who could be bought would want more than a bottle of cool clear water) I do wish we could have given them some water - they wear these hot black uniforms with all this heavy equipment and are out there protecting people and it seems like a bottle of water would be a small kindness and not a bribe.

Oh, and when I used the word 'hot' to describe their uniforms I meant in the temperature sense - not as an adjective like sexy. Although. . . . .

So we will keep y'all posted about when we will be doing this again! And we have another public appearence event that is going to be soooo much fun, we're just in the process of pinning down the proper permissions!

Have a great Weekend!

Oh, PS

The pictures I post on the blog that aren't pictures of us or of Pink Ribbon Products that we are reviewing all have some meaning or reason.

We will give a free bottle of Team H.O.P.E. water to the first person who correctly explains the picture on Thursday's post.

You can still post comments (click on the underlined word, comments under this post) even if you do not have a Google account. Just post as anonymous and then put your name in the body of your comment)

Meet Some Team H.O.P.E. Ladies Friday Night

Miss Jeannie said I’m not allowed to air my opinions about public funds paying for ball fields that cost $414 million. Okay.

I guess she has a point; that’s not what we’re here to talk about. It’s just difficult for me to look at these big sports temples and know some of my money went to pay for them simply because the owners convinced the legislators (and in some cases the public) that professional sports are vital to our desert valley. (Unlike, say, school librarians who are being given the axe in Mesa even as we speak) But again, not the point of today’s post.

The point is that if you are going to be in Downtown Phoenix Friday night, possibly attending the ball game, you can meet some of the Team H.O.P.E. ladies. We will be accepting donations and signing autographs (with our Pink Ribbon Sharpies)

People who donate will receive a bottle of Artesian Spring Water! Which, if left unopened, you are allowed to bring into Chase Field.

I don’t know where exactly we will be (Oh dear. As I have the official title of Logistics Lady, I wonder if it was supposed to be my job to determine our location. Probably ought to check into that!!)

We should be easy to find – we’ll be the loud ladies in Pink.

The Arizona Diamondbacks are playing the Washington Nationals. Someone told me these are baseball teams, so maybe now would be a good time to discuss the “Save Second Base” controversies.

Or maybe not. Just the facts ma’am.

Chase Field.

Friday May 30^th.

5:30 til we run out of water.

Look for Pink!

Thank you and have a wonderful day!

Pink Ribbon Sharpie Product Review!

Many years ago in offices across this land there was a tidal wave of fax humor. Crude drawings of Lucy and Snoopy engaged in questionable behavior, polish jokes, beer better than women lists, and all manner of crude, juvenile, often misogynist humor. Thank goodness email put a stop to that!

One of the pieces of fax humor that survived to become an email staple is the MSDS of women. Many folks work in professions where they have never seen a genuine MSDS. So a brief explanation before we proceed.

MSDS stands for material safety data sheet. They are informational pages required by OSHA [Occupational Safety & Health Administration] which is a division of DOL [Department of Labor]

Basically an MSDS will tell workers what exactly the solvent they are using will do to them when they accidentally splash it on themselves, and/or gives guidance to the firefighters and hazmat teams when the worker spills a vat of something off the loading lock. MSDS’s are not intended for consumer use – they are information for the people working with large quantities of a given substance all day long.

Back to the parody MSDS regarding women. Here is one of the more common ones to get forwarded about the ethersphere:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

                 MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET

        Workplace Hazardous Materials Information System

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Substance:            Woman

Chemical System:      Wo

Manufacturer:         God

Typical Size:         Average weight 115 lbs.; specimens can vary

                      from 90 to over 200 lbs.

Occurrence:           Large quantities found in urban areas and

                      shopping malls.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

--------------------

1.    Surface Tension--soft and warm.

2.    Exposed surfaces usually covered with a painted film.

3.    Boils at nothing.

4.    Freezes without reason.

5.    Melts with special reason.

6.    Flavor initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.

7.    Found in various states of purity ~  

        from virgin metal to common ore.

8.    Yields to pressure applied to specific points.

9.    Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.

10.   Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance to

      reproduce with marked physical and mental changes.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

--------------------

1.    Has affinity for gold, silver, and precious stones.

2.    Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

3.    Highly volatile for reasons not clearly understood.

4.    Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by
    saturation in alcohol.

5.    Most powerful money-reducing agent known 

COMMON USES:

------------

1.    Highly ornamental.

2.    Relatively brief exposure can aid relaxation.

3.    Pleasurable companion until legally owned.

SUBSTANCE VERIFICATION:

-----------------------

1.    Pure specimen turns bright pink when observed in natural state.

2.    Turns green when compared to superior specimen.

HAZZARDS:

---------

1.      Highly dangerous except when in experienced hands.

2.      May explode spontaneously without cause.

3.      Illegal to possess more than one specimen at a time.

4.      Avoid specimen contact with plastic credit cards.

Since one would not know where exactly to begin taking offense we’ll just roll our eyes and move along. Okay, I admit it - the "common ore" line did make me smile.

Whilst looking about the ‘Net for information on MSDS’s I found this site where you can create your own.

Create your own MSDS

Okay – we’re on the third page now, getting close to time to finally come to the point.

Our Pink Ribbon Sharpie Product Review!

A few months back I read a news story about an 8 year old public school student who was suspended for drawing on his clothing with a Sharpie Marker and then sniffing it. The article did not state which color sharpie he was using.

The parents were outraged, principal met with parents and reduced suspension to one day, maintained that sniffing sharpies was a form of drug use. Etc, etc. I had and have many opinions about this that I will keep to myself for the sake of brevity.

At the time that this incident hit the news I looked up Sharpies to find out what exactly is in them. There on the Sharpie website you can access their MSDS. Fascinating reading if you are into that sort of thing.

Pink Ribbon Sharpie MSDS

The most shocking thing to me reading this was that Sharpie is owned by Rubbermaid. So anyway, Sharpies are not drugs. They are also not considered Haz-Mat. (Hazardous Materials, requiring special handling or labeling)

Therefore we can discuss and review the Pink Ribbon Sharpie Marker without worry!

In their own words:

· Sharpie will donate ten cents from the sale of each special Pink Ribbon Sharpie marker to City of Hope for breast cancer research, treatment and education.*

· Special Sharpie Pink Ribbon logo on barrel.

· Permanent on most surfaces.

· Fade- and water-resistant ink encourages multiple project uses.

· Quick drying, AP Certified Nontoxic formula.

· Sharpie Pink Ribbon permanent marker available with pink ink.

* Up to $50,000. Ends Dec. 31st 2008.

The Pink Ribbon Sharpie is a pink marker, which I dearly hope does not come as a shock to anyone. The pink of the cap and interior shaft is your basic bubblegum pink. Fresh bubblegum if that makes a difference. The exterior shaft is the same dingy gray color of all Sharpie Markers.

There is a pink ribbon printed on the shaft that is a darker color – probably what one would call magenta. There is tiny little raised lettering on the cap that says “made in U.S.A.” I hope that means the entire marker is made in the US and not just the caps, that would be tacky!

The ink is pink, which I imagine they did so that it would rhyme nicely. The pink ink is darker than highlighter pink but still relatively pale. It shows up nicely on white paper. Is a bit harder to read when labeling CD’s.

According to the folks at HOW MUCH IS INSIDE? the most common use of Sharpie Markers is labeling CD’s. They have determined that one can label 968 CD’s with one Sharpie Marker.

Because I do not have the budget of Consumer Reports or the particular brand of insanity of the “how much is inside” guy I am going to assume that my Pink Ribbon Sharpie will last as long as their black sharpie.

For journalistic integrity I did try to find out how much ink is in a sharpie. I’m sure the information is out there somewhere but I couldn’t find it. The HOW MUCH? Guy did cut open his sharpie to determine that the ink-bearing components weigh 3.7 grams.

I’m not cutting up my pretty Pink Ribbon Sharpie Marker! And my scale does not measure grams, let alone fractions of grams. I don’t want to say I’m suspicious of young college guys who own scales that measure grams but. . . .

So should you buy a Pink Ribbon Sharpie Marker? If you want a nice pink marker, absolutely!

If you don’t need a marker but want to join the fight against cancer, maybe just write a check to City of Hope!

And of course you are always encouraged to donate online to Team H.O.P.E.

or to Simply the Breast

Prologue: I was at a WW meeting the other day and noticed that someone has graffitied all over the trash receptacle in pink marker. I sincerely hope it wasn’t the Pink Ribbon Sharpie Marker. At the risk of sounding like a republican; graffiti is not Art and is not a valid form of self expression ~ it is vandalism!

Have a wonderful, law-abiding, non-toxic day!

Kristine's first Blog!

This is a test, only a test. If this were a real blog there would be more information.

Our First Poem

BRA SHOPPING

My Breasts Have Fallen and They Can’t Get Up

So I poured them into my trusty C-Cup

My Bra is old, as am I

Don’t ask me what size, I’d only lie

The solution is simple, the answer is clear

I must do that thing that I most fear

I must go to the store and shop and compare

And buy a new bra, and perhaps underwear

Frederick and Victoria both make me tense

But I had a plan that seemed to make sense

I would go get a Playtex, the famous ‘Cross Your Heart’

Found in the middle of my local Wal-Mart

I saw bras in boxes, I saw bras on racks

With hooks in the fronts, the sides, and the backs

I breezed right past the cute and the flirty

And found the back section, for us over thirty

And in a dark corner, down by the floor

Were sizes for those weighing 150 or more

The selection was grim, the colors were bleak

But at least the elastic, it didn’t look weak

Canvas is used instead of black lace

Style, femininity, class – not a trace!

I saw four or five that maybe might fit

If I didn’t reach up, lean forward, or sit

There at the fitting room, about to go in

I was stopped by a clerk who was tired and grim

Her word is law, only three items at a time

Then get yourself dressed and get back into line

To try on the others; left (to my dismay)

Like a very cruel dieter’s incentive display

I try on the first one, miles of white

How can something so damn big be too tight?

The next is no better, the straps cut like knives

But at last with the third, a miracle arrives

It fits rather well; I can sit, I can breathe!

I’ll just buy it and then, Thank God, I can leave

But wait, what’s that tingle I’m starting to feel

In the fancy underwires – made of forged stainless steel?

It seems that the metal is picking up transmissions

From an AM station that plays music for Christians

I can feel it, I can hear it, as my bosom vibrates

To the sweet gentle notes of old Amazing Grace

I think I can live with this, I decide that it’s worth it

The music is minor, compared to the great fit

Then fate and the DJ deal a most heartless blow

The next song is loudly and clearly Swing Low

So I try on six more, then seven and eight

I cannot find one I don’t totally hate

The lesser of evils becomes my next goal

My God! This isn’t a cup, it’s a stiff ugly bowl

So here is the one I bought at long last

Now please excuse me, I’m going to get smashed

I deserve a drink, a smoke, and a lay

Because I went out and bought a bra today

PennyAnn Carmichael Wood©1999

The Lemonade Chronicles: The Final Chapter

I had a Serbian gentleman come to dinner one time, years ago, when I was living in a dusty border town. Tall and good looking in a John Larroquette sort of way. It was from him that I first heard the term, “Bukrah inshallah” which translates to , “Tomorrow, Allah Willing” which as you may imagine is not an airtight promise.

Since then I have heard the remark, supposedly from a Clancy novel,

“insh\'allah carries the same meaning as mañana, but without the urgency.”

Which is hilarious if you’ve ever experienced true Mañana.

So when, on Thursday, I said I would finish the Lemonade Chronicles tomorrow, I really should have said,

“so mañana we will review Emergen-C Pink.”

But I couldn’t figure out how to make the little eñe N. And of course I didn’t say Bukrah Enshallah because I would have had to look it up and then I would have had to explain it. . . .

So. Emergen-C Pink. I told y’all yesterday (four days ago) about the proceeds going to Keep-a-Breast. Today we talk about the product itself.

Emergen-C is a vitamin supplement that emphasizes vitamin C and B. It is a powder that you add to water that fizzes. It comes in different formulas and flavors. Emergen-C Pink is pink lemonade flavored.

A 36 packet box of Emergen-C Pink costs roughly 12.00 dollars US. Which is 33 cents a packet. With a recommended dosage of 2-4 packets a day. Every day. Which is a wee bit more expensive than Flintstones Silver. Or was that Centrum Chewables? Either way it costs more than normal OTC vitamins. But less than some of the fru-fru health club concoctions.

Each packet of Emergen-C Pink has 25 calories. Which if you are a Weight Watcher you know is the five calories it takes to go from zero points to one point. Times 2-4 times a day. So if I were to take the minimum recommended dose I would have to give up one Bud Light a day. Just sayin.

Okay, so you think your health is worth from sixty-six cents to a dollar thirty three a day and you measure your dietary needs in something other than ‘points’. You want to know more about the product.

Every Pink Ribbon Product Review that we do here will include a discussion about the specific shade of pink. The packaging sports a pink ribbon (surprise!) against a pink background that fades from light to dark. A very non-obnoxious pink. The lighter color pink reminds me of those chalky hearts we used to eat as kids around valantines day. The package also has a picture of a normal lemon that is cut into a wedge, showcasing a pink interior. As I may have mentioned before – there is no such thing as a pink lemon!!!!!!!

So, rip open the foil packet (easy) and pour into glass of water. It fizzes. It is a pleasant enough pink shade, natural looking. Well as natural as can be given that there is no such thing as a pink lemon. I first tried Emergen-C Pink when I had a cold. I’m a firm believer in locking the barn door after. . . . .

Anyway, when I first tried Emergen-C Pink I liked the pleasant tart/sweet lemonade flavor. It didn’t taste like fresh lemons but it didn’t taste like Pledge furniture polish either.

When I no longer had a cold I again tried it. I could taste the vitamins. (Shudder and grimace) I do not like taking regular one-a-day vitamins because when I open the jar the vitamin smell assaults my nose and makes me gag ~ so I think I may be a bit sensitive. My adult son tried it and liked it just fine. Didn’t notice any discernable vitamin taste.

But did it give me more energy? Well, I imagine if I could remember to take it twice a day it might. Or it might not. If you take the four packets a day you will be getting 100% of the recommended daily allowance of Pantothenic Acid, and I don’t think anyone else can promise you that.

Oh, never mind. Seems that Pantothenic Acid is another name for B5. Who knew?

So – on the subject of Emergen-C Pink we are vehemently undecided. I suspect that if you are into supplements you will enjoy the fizziness and all those vitamins will make you feel healthier – whether they make you healthier or not. And if you just aren’t into supplements you’ll never remember to take it so it couldn’t do you any good.

Our next Pink Ribbon Product Review will be the Pink Sharpie! But it may take awhile to write because I have to edit out this huge ZT diatribe that threatens an otherwise thoughtful and well balanced review.

Have a Wonderful Healthy Week!

The Lemonade Chronicles III

I’ve been aware for sometime now that you cannot swing a dead cat without hitting some item with a pink ribbon on it.

Some folks say that the ever increasing awareness of this still life-threatening disease is a good thing and others think the whole pink ribbon phenomenon is a crass exploitation that confuses genuine charity with being trendy.

Since I have never once in my entire life been accused of being trendy (or even borderline fashionable) I’ve recused myself from this debate and just focus on having fun with the team.

I now own more pink stuff than I have in my life up to this point. And when I go shopping? Lord have mercy! Pink everything. Yogurt, M&M’s, Bagels, Shoes, Ships, Sealing wax, Cabbages & Kings.

And the sale of anything with a pink ribbon on it benefits breast cancer patients, right? Well, not always ~ but that’s for another day.

Today we are doing our first

PINK RIBBON PRODUCT REVIEW

Now Susan G. Komen is inarguably the name in breast cancer. But not the only name. And apparently they do not own the rights to the ribbon. (Which I suspect eats at them every day)

The product we are reviewing today does give 50% of the profits to a breast cancer charity. Like many charities there are layers or sub charities or joint charities, I don’t know. They give the money to keep-a-breast.org, but they do it through or with or nearby another non-profit called Generation Pink, which is not to be confused with Generation Pink, the Gay Pride magazine published in Manila. This Generation Pink is a group a three famous women I’ve never heard of.

One of the women is a former Playboy Model and as well as lending her name (Bebe Buell) to the cause she also lent her bosom to keep-a-breast.

The Keep-a-breast organization Mission Statement:

The Keep A Breast Foundation is a unique non-profit organization creating plaster forms of the female torso, customized by fine artists and auctioned to raise funding for breast cancer. Our mission is to produce art events that increase breast cancer awareness among young people and benefit breast cancer education, prevention and treatment programs in communities around the world.

There was more stuff but when people want to “raise consciousness” and use “symbolic artistry” I sort of doze off. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with what they are doing, not in the least. It all helps, I just personally want my money to go toward buying more Petri dishes and microscopes and stuff.

One interesting thing about the Keep-a-breast website is that their video (which starts playing the minute you hit the site, with music) (Man, I hate websites that do that. At least the pause button on their site is easy to find. On some sites it is impossible to shut the music off and so I have manually turn my speakers down, which means I knock over the stack of CD's on my desk, which knocks my Pepsi all over my keyboard. And older SNL fans know what happens then)

Sorry I seem to have wandered off again. Let me find my train of thought. (See, if we had music on this blog right now you would hear Johnny Cash singing, “I hear the train a comin, it’s comin round the bend. . . .”)

So anyway ~ the video on the keep-a-breast website shows how to do a Breast Self Examination. A BSE in the breast business. The Komen site has a good video, a female voice over and a live action 40 ish looking woman with medium sized breasts. The Keep-a-breast folks have a bunch of young people. I guess the young men are rock musicians from groups performing on the Vans Warped tour. So the video shows young women explaining different parts of the BSE, using young men as models. Some with their shirts on and some with their shirts off. Not a video I would have put together but we’ve already established that I am not the target audience here.

So now that we’ve explained where the money from this product is going, we probably ought to talk about the product itself – which most of you have guessed is a lemonade of some sort.

But we’ve run out of time and space (and probably your attention) for today so tomorrow we will review Emergen-C Pink.

Oh, and just for the record – I have never swung a cat, dead or alive. So you PETA people can just put your outrage back in your bag and step away from the blog.