Many years ago in offices across this land there was a tidal wave of fax humor. Crude drawings of Lucy and Snoopy engaged in questionable behavior, polish jokes, beer better than women lists, and all manner of crude, juvenile, often misogynist humor. Thank goodness email put a stop to that!
One of the pieces of fax humor that survived to become an email staple is the MSDS of women. Many folks work in professions where they have never seen a genuine MSDS. So a brief explanation before we proceed.
MSDS stands for material safety data sheet. They are informational pages required by OSHA [Occupational Safety & Health Administration] which is a division of DOL [Department of Labor]
Basically an MSDS will tell workers what exactly the solvent they are using will do to them when they accidentally splash it on themselves, and/or gives guidance to the firefighters and hazmat teams when the worker spills a vat of something off the loading lock. MSDS’s are not intended for consumer use – they are information for the people working with large quantities of a given substance all day long.
Back to the parody MSDS regarding women. Here is one of the more common ones to get forwarded about the ethersphere:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEETWorkplace Hazardous Materials Information System-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Substance: WomanChemical System: WoManufacturer: GodTypical Size: Average weight 115 lbs.; specimens can varyfrom 90 to over 200 lbs.Occurrence: Large quantities found in urban areas andshopping malls.
1. Surface Tension--soft and warm.2. Exposed surfaces usually covered with a painted film.3. Boils at nothing.4. Freezes without reason.5. Melts with special reason.6. Flavor initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.7. Found in various states of purity ~from virgin metal to common ore.8. Yields to pressure applied to specific points.9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance toreproduce with marked physical and mental changes.
1. Has affinity for gold, silver, and precious stones.2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.3. Highly volatile for reasons not clearly understood.4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by
saturation in alcohol.5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known
1. Highly ornamental.2. Relatively brief exposure can aid relaxation.3. Pleasurable companion until legally owned.
1. Pure specimen turns bright pink when observed in natural state.2. Turns green when compared to superior specimen.
1. Highly dangerous except when in experienced hands.2. May explode spontaneously without cause.3. Illegal to possess more than one specimen at a time.4. Avoid specimen contact with plastic credit cards.
Since one would not know where exactly to begin taking offense we’ll just roll our eyes and move along. Okay, I admit it - the "common ore" line did make me smile.
Whilst looking about the ‘Net for information on MSDS’s I found this site where you can create your own.
Okay – we’re on the third page now, getting close to time to finally come to the point.
Our Pink Ribbon Sharpie Product Review!
A few months back I read a news story about an 8 year old public school student who was suspended for drawing on his clothing with a Sharpie Marker and then sniffing it. The article did not state which color sharpie he was using.
The parents were outraged, principal met with parents and reduced suspension to one day, maintained that sniffing sharpies was a form of drug use. Etc, etc. I had and have many opinions about this that I will keep to myself for the sake of brevity.
At the time that this incident hit the news I looked up Sharpies to find out what exactly is in them. There on the Sharpie website you can access their MSDS. Fascinating reading if you are into that sort of thing.
The most shocking thing to me reading this was that Sharpie is owned by Rubbermaid. So anyway, Sharpies are not drugs. They are also not considered Haz-Mat. (Hazardous Materials, requiring special handling or labeling)
Therefore we can discuss and review the Pink Ribbon Sharpie Marker without worry!
In their own words:
· Sharpie will donate ten cents from the sale of each special Pink Ribbon Sharpie marker to City of
· Special Sharpie Pink Ribbon logo on barrel.
· Permanent on most surfaces.
· Fade- and water-resistant ink encourages multiple project uses.
· Quick drying, AP Certified Nontoxic formula.
· Sharpie Pink Ribbon permanent marker available with pink ink.
* Up to $50,000. Ends
The Pink Ribbon Sharpie is a pink marker, which I dearly hope does not come as a shock to anyone. The pink of the cap and interior shaft is your basic bubblegum pink. Fresh bubblegum if that makes a difference. The exterior shaft is the same dingy gray color of all Sharpie Markers.
There is a pink ribbon printed on the shaft that is a darker color – probably what one would call magenta. There is tiny little raised lettering on the cap that says “made in
The ink is pink, which I imagine they did so that it would rhyme nicely. The pink ink is darker than highlighter pink but still relatively pale. It shows up nicely on white paper. Is a bit harder to read when labeling CD’s.
According to the folks at HOW MUCH IS INSIDE? the most common use of Sharpie Markers is labeling CD’s. They have determined that one can label 968 CD’s with one Sharpie Marker.
Because I do not have the budget of Consumer Reports or the particular brand of insanity of the “how much is inside” guy I am going to assume that my Pink Ribbon Sharpie will last as long as their black sharpie.
For journalistic integrity I did try to find out how much ink is in a sharpie. I’m sure the information is out there somewhere but I couldn’t find it. The HOW MUCH? Guy did cut open his sharpie to determine that the ink-bearing components weigh 3.7 grams.
I’m not cutting up my pretty Pink Ribbon Sharpie Marker! And my scale does not measure grams, let alone fractions of grams. I don’t want to say I’m suspicious of young college guys who own scales that measure grams but. . . .
So should you buy a Pink Ribbon Sharpie Marker? If you want a nice pink marker, absolutely!
If you don’t need a marker but want to join the fight against cancer, maybe just write a check to City of Hope!
And of course you are always encouraged to donate online to Team H.O.P.E.
or to Simply the Breast
Prologue: I was at a WW meeting the other day and noticed that someone has graffitied all over the trash receptacle in pink marker. I sincerely hope it wasn’t the Pink Ribbon Sharpie Marker. At the risk of sounding like a republican; graffiti is not Art and is not a valid form of self expression ~ it is vandalism!
Have a wonderful, law-abiding, non-toxic day!