The Lemonade Chronicles

I truly hate the trend of giving mixed drinks smutty names. It seems undignified and somewhat childish to me. And I know I would never be able to say “I’d like a sloe comfortable screw against the wall” with a straight face. Well, y’know, to a bartender.

Then it came time for our 411 party. Jeannie seemed to remember that there was a drink recipe about nipples. Man I was all over that!! I always enjoy playing on the computer and pretending it’s work. And strange web searches are my favorite. Come to find out “Sloe Comfortable Screw’ is one of the more tamely named drinks out there. But we’re not here to talk about that – we’re talking about the drink for our party – which will lead into a longer and less coherent story in a day or so.

So anyway. . . I found several drink recipes with the word Nipple. The basic nipple drink is the Pink Nipple, which sounds very yummy.

1. Cream - 6 oz.
2. Grenadine - 1/2 oz.
3. Raspberry Liqueur - 2 oz.

Mix cream with Bols Raspberry Grenadine on top add cherry & Umbrella serve with or without Ice

Serve in a Hurricane Glass

But because we were leaning toward serving the drink in a punch fountain and because none of us have a source at a dairy we decided against the cream base. Then we found the

Pierced Nipple:

· 1 2/3 oz. Vodka, watermelon (Smirnoff Watermelon Twist)

· 2 oz. Cherry Juice

· 1 Cup Limeade

Take Highball glass, add 50 ml of vodka. Next add cherry juice, then fill rest of glass with limeaid. Serve on the rocks.

Perfect! There was some concern about the pulpy limeade in the fountain. One of the ladies (I’ll change her name to protect her reputation. We’ll call her ‘Christine’) suggested we use powdered drink mix.

Now I try to not be snobbish, and usually that isn’t a problem because I have some pretty base preferences. I like my bologna fried, I like my beer domestic, and I like my poetry to rhyme. But about a few things such as real butter and dark chocolate I get a bit rabid. I enjoy crystal light as much as the next person but the idea of using it in a mixed drink just seemed wrong. Like serving orange Kool-aid instead of orange juice at a Sunday brunch. I explained this to ‘Christine’ and she saw the light. (No, I did not browbeat anyone)

The next day Jeannie and Kristine are at the grocery store and realized they had left the list at home and called me on the cell phone for the recipe. No problem. Except for the fact that Jeannie is listening to me and then repeating what I say to Kristine and back and forth. Naturally all three of us are talking at the same time but Jeannie is the only one who can hear everybody so we were sliding headfirst into slapstick.

And then it turns out the store doesn’t have any Watermelon Vodka. So I find another recipe named after a nipple.

Sweet Nipple

1 1/2 oz Razzmatazz liqueur
1 1/2 oz Red Passion liqueur
3 oz cranberry juice

Add all three ingredients to a shaker, shake over ice and serve into a rocks glass with 1-2 ice cubes.

Jeannie and Kristine have never heard of Razzmatazz and I’m giving Jeannie instructions on where it should be on the shelves and she is relaying this to Kristine.

The whole exchange would have been a lot more dignified if any of the three of us could remember a four item list for all of 10 seconds, but we are all in our 40’s and you know how that goes!

And because we didn’t have the sense to refer to the recipes we were discussing as Drink A, Drink B, etc, poor Jeannie is having to ask me if I’m reading the recipe for the pierced nipple or the pink nipple. In the grocery store aisle. Where I can hear other shoppers getting involved in the search. No watermelon vodka, no Razzmatazz. We didn’t even bother looking for Red Passion Liqueur. (My goodness; there are two U’s in liqueur – who knew?)

Sorry, I get distracted easily. So I can hear Jeanie and Kristine talking to the other shoppers about the pink nipples and the pierced nipples and the watermelon vodka and I’m just holding my breath waiting to hear the deep voice of the security guard breaking up their little party. Finally with much back and forth we agree on

The Perky Nipple

1 part vodka
1 part amaretto almond liqueur
8 parts pink lemonade

Pour all ingredients over ice.

Kristine was excited about this drink because she truly enjoys amaretto. They asked me what type of Pink Lemonade they should buy and I’m telling Jeannie to tell Kristine to buy the frozen concentrate – not the powder!!! But I’m trying to not be bossy about it. Then Jeannie asked about the Vodka. I suggested she buy whatever is cheapest. Someone else in the store is saying that you shouldn’t serve cheap vodka, and some guy is trying to impress Kristine with his superior vodka knowledge.

I have no idea what vodka they chose or whether it was any good or not. The punch was yummy! Just tart enough to be interesting (Like Jeannie) and yet smooth and sweet (like Kristine) and it went down easy (Hey – I don’t like where this is going at all!)

Oh, and for the sake of complete honesty ~ The Perky Nipple had some other name (cotton candy?) before we renamed it and made it our own.

Also – if you are looking for a pink pink pink drink, this ain't it. It’s sort of a pinkish amaretto color.

So I hope you try our drink and enjoy it.

There is one last nipple drink I will share.

The Real Slippery Nipple

10 ml grenadine syrup
1/2 oz Carolans® Irish cream
1/2 oz DeKuyper® Buttershots liqueur

Pour the Buttershots and Carolans into a shot glass. (let them mix)

Add grenadine to form a perfect nipple in the bottom of the shot glass.

Take as shooter, lick nipple from bottom of glass.

Serve in: Shot Glass

There’s that dignity thing again. This drink sounds good but the idea of trying to lick the bottom of a shot glass just seems embarrassing to me. Well, until my third shot and then I would probably try it. Which is one reason I don’t do shots.

Have a wonderful weekend!

PennyAnn