Monday, August 18, 2008

Hoe, Hoe, Hoe

Don't worry, this isn't a post about Christmas in July or Christmas in December or Santa Clause or anything like that. Although there is a gift involved. . . .

Today we bring you another insightful and penetrating 'Pink Ribbon Product Review'!

First, of course I have to give you some background. Any old reviewer can pluck an item off of a shelf, use it, and then discuss the good points and bad points. But that's not what y'all are paying me for. (ha ha ha, ha ha!) Y'all want the story behind the item, you want human drama, you demand well constructed plots and a lively narrative.

So sit right back and you'll hear a tale. . . . .

Here at Team H.O.P.E. and Simply the Breast we have activities that are as varied and diverse as we are as a group. We had our fun and elegant and feminine Christmas in July Tea, we do the raucous and athletic football concession thing, we are planning a golf tournament like no other, and of course we have done the standing on the corner thing.

I am willing to do pretty much anything for the cause. One day I made a reference to being a woman who will do anything, including soliciting on the street corner, if there is money to be made. So the next day my Team H.O.P.E. friends bought me a little thank you gift.

That's right. Aren't they the sweetest, most considerate friends a person could have? I must think of a way to reciprocate their kindness. But until then we will do our standard "Pink Ribbon Product Review"

This hoe is made by a company named Bond. The pink ribbon label states that "a portion of all proceeds from the garden for the cause tools will go directly to the National Breast Cancer Foundation."

A portion? How big a portion? Net or gross proceeds? I have questions! So I go to the Internet, wherein lies all truths. I do a search for Bond Garden Cause.

One of the sites that Google thought I might be looking for was this one:

Apparently it is a fan site for a group (a singing group? I dunno) called Bond. The website is called Midnight Garden.

Not to be confused with
Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil - A truly great book and movie. Don't you just adore Kevin Spacey?

Uh oh. . . . I seem to be wandering off track again. Where were we? Ah yes, we were trying to find out how much money Bond Manufacturing is giving to the National Breast Cancer Foundation. Don't know - that info was not detailed at either the Bond site or the NBCF site.

So we can't evaluate the worthiness of the ribbon but we can evaluate the product.

Well, it's pink - there's no doubt about that. It is 54 inches long. The shaft (Miss Linda - you just stop your giggling right now! This is serious!) is made of fiberglass so it shouldn't warp. The blade is supposedly sharpened but it isn't what one would call razor sharp. I'm not even sure if it would be considered hoe sharp.

But the good news is that one is not likely to accidentally sever a digit or a limb.

The head is inserted into the shaft and secured by a steel rivet - which is a good thing.

But can it cut weeds? Well, I guess I should try it out. The only problem with that is that if my husband catches me hoeing he will think, "Oh, she can do the yardwork", and I'm not sure that's a risk I'm willing to take right now. Can't I just talk about how pretty my hoe is and leave it at that?

Okay, okay. I can't call myself an expert reviewer if I won't actually use the product being reviewed. Such a tough row to hoe.

The label clearly states: "Sharpened blade edge penetrates tough ground with reduced effort." and "Easy penetration of a variety of materials designed for efficient moving and lifting."

Ummmm. Not so much. Now, granted, I am not a world class hoer. I avoid hoeing and weeding and all manner of yard work. So maybe all hoes require you to hack wildly at a weed for ten minutes, spewing dust and dirt and gravel and little weed fragments until the actual weed succumbs. I don't know. Maybe that's why so many people risk the wrath of the green police and wantonly use vegetation killer in a bottle. All I know is that as much as I appreciate the kind and thoughtful gift from my friends; you will not find me out hoeing anytime soon!

I hate to say bad things about a pink ribbon product so I will go back to how nice it looks. Except that now the pretty pink paint is all scratched and chipped. Heavy sigh.

Oh, and speaking of gardening I have to share with y'all something that happened yesterday. I needed to bring some golf tournament fliers over to Kristine. When I arrived at her house her son told me she was out back. I went out into her backyard and there is Miss Kristine mowing the lawn. Which is a reasonable thing for a person with a yard to be doing.

Then I notice her husband sitting there in a lawn chair, all kicked back in the shade, drinking a cold beer and watching Kristine mow the lawn. Needless to say this irritated me. In fact it enraged me.

I looked him straight in the eye and told him, "David - you ought to be hung!"

He smiled at me and replied, "I am. That's why she's willing to mow the lawn"

. . .

1 comment:


I don't think you're allowed to use the words "penetration" and "hoe" in the same blog post on Blogger...I'm calling the Internet police, you scamp!

Linda D. in Seattle